Fat lady marries herself

Okay I am just speechless for this one..!

 

Fed-Up Taiwanese Woman Marries Self

Meet Chen Wei-yih, a 30-year-old Taiwanese office worker who has been searching for love, but to no avail. Tired of being pressured by friends and family, Chen has decided to just marry herself instead.

On November 6, Chen will be marrying herself at a special ceremony estimated to cost over NT$50,000 (or $5,675). Ever since opting for this unconventional act, she has received a bevy of attention in the spotlight—not to mention thousands of letters of support from women in similar predicaments.

The problem in Taiwan is that many women are marrying later and later, if at all. This has the government and older generations worried about a possible drop in births and the associated consequences. So in turn parents are constantly pestering their daughters to get married and bear children.

Chen hopes to change this annoying behavior by doing something so revolutionary and crazy that it’ll make parents in Taiwan think twice.

“My work and experience are in good shape, but I haven’t found a partner, so what can I do?” Chen asked. “It’s not that I’m anti-marriage. I just hope that I can express a different idea within a bounds of a tradition.”

And to top it all off, Chen intends on going on a honeymoon with herself to Australia immediately after the wedding. Indeed. There’s nothing quite like honeymoon sex with oneself!

Regardless, she is hopeful that others ladies will follow suit and also marry themselves. The question remains though: Will she be eligible for spousal tax benefits? If so, then I might just marry myself, though I’m just a guy!

 

News sourced from here.

My Girl..

I knew this one particular girl back in London. Way back in 1997. Let’s call her My Girl. My Girl was 19 when I first met her. Her elder sister was a friend and her cousin was one of my housemate. She came over while I was playing pool in my hall of residence. Apparently, the only way how to get into that pool hall was through a window. The door was jammed up for repairs. So My Girl had to climb over the window ledge just to meet us guys. She was escorted by her cousin of course.

Everyone shook her hands and eagerly wanted to meet her. But I just stood there beside the pool table waiting and staring at her for a second. I didn’t even say hi. Just a nod of acknowledgement.

This of course led her to believe that I was cocky and arrogant.

My Girl was and very much is – very pretty. She is the sweetest of all things sweet. Like, eating cotton candy on a lazy Sunday afternoon in a cozy little funfair. You can enjoy her company without ever wanting it to end. Everytime she came to my apartment, nearly all guys would cram up my joint just to vie for her attention. I confess I was a tad bit jealous whenever she paid more attention to some of my friends.

I can’t think of a reason why later on she would be interested in me except maybe for the fact that I was quite funny.

Yeah I was My Girl’s little clown.

It was a brief period of romance. I wouldn’t exactly call it romance. Maybe a fling. No, a fling would be degrading. For a lack of a better word, let’s call it a romance nevertheless. Romancing My Girl was never easy. She was shy and I was quite reserved with my feelings. We just let things be. Big mistake. Never let things be. We should have taken action.

That was why the universe took control of our fates and decided that things will not be. But Easter holidays in ’98 was one of the best times I had during college days.

March turned to April, April turned to May. Before you know it, it was June already. The semester ended. So when the time came for us to say our goodbyes, it was like a sense total hopelessness. We parted ways, never to rekindle that once in a lifetime happiness. Although it was brief, it was perfect. Not too overpowering, yet not too subtle either.

It was just nice. I was the luckiest guy in the world.

She is married with two kids now. Two beautiful kids. And praise God I heard the third one is on the way..

Once, in a reckless moment of desire, I had fantasised about her running back to me and we start anew. But that would be too much to ask and knowing the gentle soul that she is, I am sure she will not be selfish.

I was and probably still is, the source of her escapism. I am the rock that when everything is not right in the world, I will be there as comfort. I am there to tell her that somebody is looking out for her.  That I will make her believe that all is not lost.

Sigh.

Maybe we shall never be with each other again in this lifetime.

Maybe we are who we are today because of that brief happy moment in our lives.

I have her deep in my heart. In that soft spot where memories of days of sunshine and laughter of those Easter days will rekindle sense of happiness whenever I think about her.

She is forever be, My Girl.

And I love her more than she think I could.

Confessions of 2010

Among my sick personality (and Syidi can testify this) is, I like to create crazy situations and then sit back and watch it all go down.. among my handiwork is the part where I convinced Syidi into believing that Karis is gay and had him embarrassed himself in front of another gay guy who actually had feelings for him.

Once, I told Asnie that a dude was actually half white which Asnie, after a long whirlwind clubbing night, discovered the next day, to her shock, that he was a pengkid.

Another of my greatest artwork is to allow Shireen to think that she is of mamak blood, which she had always denied, and then made her mom told her that she is not a mamak, but a punjabi mixed with an indian instead. That shook her to the core.

Other notables mention is the part where I told Dina Ramli to tell her sister that she is secretly in love with me in front of their parents. Oh and if you think that your life this year is horrible, I probably had a hand in it.

These are my confessions for 2010.

Thank you.

Season’s coming to an end

2010 will come to an end really soon.

I am still the same son of a gun pistol.

But compare to 2009, this year has been great.

A career change. More upbeat lifestyle. More fun in life.

Looking forward to 2011. I hear it’s gonna be really exciting.

I am so sexcited!

Saw this in internet. Fucking gorgeous. Who is she? Can she be my Chrismas present?

1,200 times a pervert

Funny story made the cut in The Star today:

10 couples caught naked daily on Terengganu beaches

KUALA TERENGGANU: As many as 10 couples are caught daily by anti-vice volunteers along the Tok Jembal and Teluk Ketapang beaches, which are increasingly becoming favourite haunts for sexual trysts.

Many of them are said to be students from institutes of higher learning.

A volunteer, who requested anonymity, said most of the couples were caught “doing it” behind coconut trees, rocks, inside cars and even openly on the beaches.

“For non-Muslim couples, we could only advise them on the sensitivity of their action to the locals but Muslims caught will be produced before the Syariah Court,” he said.

He said anti-vice officers would go to places identified as “hot spots” to catch the culprits in the act.

“We listen for sounds of heavy breathing and kissing.

“We then move in and aim our torchlights on the couples. In most cases, they are caught naked.”

The officer said the procedure was to wait awhile before approaching the couples so as to get evidence for prosecution purposes.

“I have daughters and I feel sorry for the parents of these couples,” he said, adding that the youngsters had betrayed the trust of their folk who hoped their children would excel in their education.

The 48-year-old volunteer, who claimed to have caught 1,200 couples on the beaches since signing up as a volunteer in 2004, said he had had enough.

“I cannot take it any longer and am thinking of giving up this work. I have decided that enough is enough after six years as a volunteer,” he said.

Terengganu state executive councillor Rozi Mamat said he had received reports that “dozens of young couples” had been spotted in compromising positions at both the beaches.

“I have received numerous complaints from nearby villagers about immoral behaviour,” he said.

Rozi, newly-appointed as the state Youth and Sports committee chairman, said: “These activities could lead to moral decay among our youths if we keep mum on the matter.”

To address the situation, Rozi plans to suggest to the state government to light up both beaches and intensify patrols at “hot” areas.

Sure or not, you can’t take this any longer? 1,200 couples means 1,200 times looking at naked women. Must be painful to have an erection but can’t join in huh?

Pure bollocks from our ‘holier than thou’ folks.

And you must have a set of bionic ears to be able to hear heavy breathing and kissing above the sounds of the ocean waves. Just say it out loud that you stalk the couples the moment they come to the beaches and waited for them to have sex so that you can watch a free show.

Perverts.

Double the joy!

I am thinking…. thinking…. thinking….

Nope. I can’t find any funny things to write right now.

But this maybe because I’m gonna be an uncle to a set of twins soon!

That’s right folks!

TWINS!

Coming to you this September! I am sooo happy!

Hopefully when they grow up, they won’t be like these bunch:

The forgetable and ambiguously gay Nelson twins

The Olsen twins

How weird are your parents?

3 women caned in Malaysia for pre-marital sex

Hell yeah!

3 women got caned for having sex with their boyfriends.

In Malaysia, according to the religion of Islam, that is a HUGE sin.

That is why, most of us here are virgins before we got married.

Don’t believe me? Just ask me whether I am still a virgin or not.

(Yes, I am)

Lying by the way is not punishable by the stroke of the rattan so that is why I can get away with it easily.

Ok, enough digressing.

Anyway the caning of this WILLING women got the whole international community raise their arms in the air and shouted “FOUL!”…

Even CNN picked this news up:

3 Women Caned in Malaysia For Adultery

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (CNN) — For the first time, Malaysian authorities have caned three Muslim women under Islamic law for acts of adultery, the Malaysian national news agency Bernama said.

Home Minister Hishamuddin Hussein announced the canings Wednesday, saying the penalty was carried out February 9 at a women’s prison near Kuala Lumpur.

The canings — a punishment that persists across Malaysian society since the British colonial era of the 19th century — have been denounced by one Amnesty International official, who says “caning is tantamount to torture.”

But Hishamuddin said the punishment was carried out “to educate and make the offenders realize their mistakes and to return to the right path.”

Blah blah blah.. yada yada yada

Lance Lattig, a researcher on Malaysia for the human rights group Amnesty International, told CNN that the vast majority of canings are applied to illegal immigrants by civil courts, but the latest examples indicate that sharia courts happen to be picking up on the practice.

“It’s not Muslims on the march,” he said. “It’s the tip of the iceberg of the bigger problem.”

No matter who does it, he says, the group considers caning to be “cruel, inhumane and degrading.”

Aiyah… if caning is cruel, may I offer a solution?

There is this method called SPANKING.

It will achieve the same effect for the receiver as a caning would do.

Plus, it would be good exercise for the spanker too. Heck, I also want to be one.

Although spanking is a much, much older form of punishment than caning, I believe this archaic but effective form of punishment will be seen as having more finesse and less cruel to the recipients.

Even your Atok Moyang performed spanking rituals

Even Elvis got his hands dirty..

I guess society as a whole will benefit with this new ruling. Enough with the caning. We need to save rattan trees too. Use bare hands instead. This will save our mother nature and cure arthritis too.

Down With Caning,

Bottoms Up For Spanking!

If you have sinned, you deserve to raise your bum and be spanked

Kong Hei Fatt Choy!!

To all the chinese girls that I have dated before, I would like to wish Happy New Year to all of you. I am a changed man now. I no longer succumb to temptations and flirtations by college chicks from HELP Institute.

Why? Because I just bought a female tiger from the SPCA in Ampang the other day. As the year 2010 is the year of the Tiger, I think it is most appropriate to buy this endangered species and give her all the love that she needs.  Just look at her! (pic below). Tak kesian ke? I bathe her and give her food everyday… so that she will have a healthy, fun filled life.

I call her "Baby T"

Who needs a girl when you have a loving pet?

Tata!

P.S.: Bugger off WWF!

I love Singaporeans…

Hahahaha!!! (slapping my knees) Hihihihi!!!

Singaporeans did it again!

News from the island today;

Secretary accidentally bites off boss’ penis

A secretary accidentally bit off the penis of her employer while giving him oral sex in a car.

Sin Chew Daily and China Press reported yesterday that while the 30-year-old woman was performing oral sex on the man, the car was hit by a reversing van.

The impact of the crash, China Press reported, caused the woman to bite off her lover’s organ.

The daily reported that the incident occurred in a Singapore park where the couple met after work.

To make matters worse for the woman, her husband had sent a private investigator to spy on her after suspecting that she was being unfaithful.

The investigator said he had followed the woman and her boss to the park.

“On reaching the park, they did not alight from the car. Not long after, the car started to shake violently.

After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood,” he said.

The woman later followed her lover to the hospital with part of the sexual organ.

The investigator, who called an ambulance to send the man to hospital, said that this was the first time he had encountered such an incident.

What the hell???? Ni yang aku nak marah kat driver van ni… tak tengok rear view mirror ke? And another one;

Ex-stewardess publishes memoir

The dailies also reported that a former stewardess has published a memoir of her sexual escapades in the sky.

The Singaporean stewardess, identified as Chew, 35, published The Mile Hi! Club: Memoirs of a Stewardess last Wednesday.

Chew confided that she had received more than 20 requests for sex from passengers in her years as a stewardess but claimed she had turned down all of them.

Big deal… at just 31, you know how many sexual requests that Datuk Siti Nurhaliza turned down over the years??? More than a million I reckon! But I confess more than half came from me…She’s a tough nut to crack people! Yeehaa!

Anwar Ibrahim and his masseuse

There was this recent brouhaha about Anwar getting a massage in Thailand.

And many had speculated what kind of massage he ordered when he was there.

All know that he suffered from bad back.

I understand why he went to Thailand just for a massage.

Thai politics is just like Thai massage; a lot of pushing and pulling with opposing forces to loosen up deadlocked positions.

Of course, Thailand is the centre of massage, with multiple varieties of massage being taught in specialist schools.

I can’t claim to know what type of Thai massage was being performed on Anwar recently but, let me present to you the entry in Anwar’s wikipedia page;

“Dr. Lim Kong Boon, a doctor during the trial, testified that it is possible to massage the prostate gland through the anus in order to stimulate ejaculation in an unconscious victim.”

Could it be Thai prostate massage?

Datuk musti menonggeng ini macam balu ada syiok Datuk!!

Twitter

Let’s talk about Twitter.

I hate twitters.

To me, twitter is a license to stalk people and let people stalk you.

What do you think?

Cuba bayangkan, I nak tackle one girl. Dia ada twitter. And then I ‘follow’ her in twitter. She then tweets all the time. I let her follow me in my twitter too. So we all twittering all the way and we know each other’s movement without even physically seeing each other.

Creepy gila.

Heck, I do not want to let her know what I am doing. But takkan I nak reject her from following me in my twitter pulak?

In the end, there will be no mystery. She will know where I am and what I am doing. I will know about her too.

And then, bila dia tweet here and there saying she is dating boys sana sini, I will automatically think that she is cheap.

Likewise, she will think I am a playa for being too ‘out there’ with the girls.

I tell you, Twitter is crap.

Humankind will slowly die because people cannot get decent dates. Everyone is reduced to become a cyber stalker.

Susah la mau multiply ini macam!

Some people get laid all the time…

Gee, what a loser…

Disabled man’s personal laundry service porn

SEGAMAT, Tues: A disabled man running a laundry service was found to have a dirty little secret. The 56-year-old, who is receiving monthly assistance from the Welfare Department, has been filming his sexual exploits and selling the recordings.

But his career as a porn star has been cut short by police, who arrested him at his Bandar Putra home on Saturday. They had been watching him for a while after receiving a tip-off. In the 4pm raid police seized a pen drive which contained video recordings of the man having sex with a woman believed to be a 20-something foreigner.

Two women, aged 21 and 26 were also arrested in the raid. They said they were at the house to apply for jobs and had nothing to do with the recordings.

Segamat district police chief Superintendent Abdul Majid Mohd Ali said police believe the recordings on the pen drive were waiting to be downloaded onto video compact discs (VCD) for distribution. - NST

Wait a minute, a 56 year old disabled man from Segamat who is also running on welfare, is having sex with foreign women half his age? Bukan dia yang loser… but I AM!

This son of a pistol is trying to upstage the original Son of A Pistol (me)! I think I need to start selling my sexcapades… any volunteers? Ladies? I am not a handicap by the way. Cukup sifat semuanya huhuhu!

The two women aged 21 and 26 respectively, escaped into the arms of the original S.O.A.P gratefully.

I love my future father in law

I think I am not too late to congratulate our new Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Abdul Razak as the proud future father in law of this Son of a Pistol.

I assure you people of Malaysia that I will not be the next Khairy Jamaluddin where I got my mullahs by marrying the prime minister’s daughter.

I am telling you all that my relationship with Puteri Norlisa (picture below) adalah atas dasar suka sama suka, cinta sama cinta dan bukannya atas dasar kes perlanggaran kereta atau disebabkan harta.

Merenung masa depan bersama Son of a Pistol

Saya tidak pernah melanggar kereta Puteri Norlisa hanya untuk mendapatkan phone number anak perempuan kesayangan perdana menteri ini.

My only obstacle is that she look exactly like Najib. Only with boobs and longer hair.  Will have heart attack everytime I wake up next to her every morning. But I guess my love for her will endure. I love her God damn it! And love conquers all. Even the thought of having Rosmah as my mother in law will not dampen my mood.

I love my future father in law wife people!

Tips when riding a motorbike

Malaysians girls have a lot of confidence under their soft exterior. Either that or they simply do not know how to dress properly.

Kalau you seorang pembonceng, bila nak naik motorsikal, sila pastikan:

a) anda memakai seluar yang sesuai

b) you did not forget to wear any panties

c) that cleavage is suppose to happen at the front of your body, not at the back

macam-macam ada

My weekend was ruined just because of this.

Men are from Mars, women are from hell

There is an inherent flaw in all women. Especially when they are at a certain age. Usually around mid 20′s onwards.

I have this girl. We are dating each other. It was fun in the beginning. I was the most awesome boyfriend a girl could have.

I am fun, spontaneous, energetic, care-free and of course quite laid-back. On top of it all, I am quite successful in my career. Own a condo and a mean car.

But I am a victim of my own success. For the past one year and a half, she sees me as a boyfriend. Now, she thinks I am a husband material.

This is where it goes down the drain. This is why I said all women have some psychotic flaw in their genes.

Since I am categorised as husband material in her eyes, I am no longer be subjected as ‘cute’ or ‘funny’ if I crack lewd jokes. Those jokes were received with laughter during the good old days.

These days, it will be met by frowns of disapproval.

What the hell? She used to laugh at all my jokes! Now, I will only get angry stares.

Previously, if I stare at other girls (not all the time), my girlfriend will also comment on that girl’s appearance. Whether on her dressing styles or her cute face.

These days, I will be nagged non stop, “I do not want to marry a guy who is MATA KERANJANG!”

Wah lau weh!

Who is this woman? And what did you do to my girlfriend!?

On and on she will say things like;

“A husband should always think about the girl’s feelings”

“If you keep on deflecting my arguments, then it will be difficult in the future”

“No, I do not want to wear that nurse outfit for your 30th birthday!”

“I love husbands who cherish the wife all the time”

Oi! Did I ever propose to you yet????? Takde kan? Almost always, those nagging moments will be followed by fights.

I am minding my own business… having a good, fun and happy relationship… suddenly I have to change just because you see me as a future husband?

Girl :"I don't think you are serious with me" Boy : (apa lagi ni???.. Peningnya kepala aku!)

Why must I change?

I want my old girlfriend back. The care-free, laid-back, happy and ever-smiling girlfriend!

Biological clock is the enemy of men. Be wary of them things. Not good for men’s health.

I want her to revert to her old self. Go back when we were young. The good old days. The day where I first met her in that school outfit. We had fun so much fun together from that day onwards.

How lucky was I?

But of course, in case if she reads this, I love you okay!