Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Sori ye, the title above is a bit misleading. Actually, after I posted the ‘A Plea For Elizabeth Wong’ article the other day, I got a lot of hits coming from Malaysiakini dot com. Gila banyak! I think that site have a Google Alert or something. They all ni paranoid sangat pasal Eli Wong sampai kalau ada orang sebut nama dia je, terus they all linkkan that article of mine to their website. Hehe. My blog hits mencanak canak naik!

I feel good.

But you guys tak nak comment apa apa ke?

Actually speaking about mencanak canak, I wanna ask the ladies the question below (please ignore the above title as that one cuma nak dapat hits dari Malaysiakini aje).

Which one of these 4 items below are good for your health?

Health food number 1

Health food number 1 : tofu

Health food number 2 : peeled banana

Health food number 2 : peeled banana

Health food number 3 : banana

Health food number 3 : banana

Health food number 4 : Timun

Health food number 4 : timun!!

Most girls I know are health freaks. So most of them will choose health food number 1 which is the tofu. Not many will eat cucumbers. Mana sedap! Many will choose number 2, the peeled banana. Not many will choose the banana as a whole coz, siapa yang suka makan pisang dengan kulit pisang sekali?

But tofu… eeemmmMMMmmm….! D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S! Ada fried tofu… ada Tau Foo Fah… Ada air tauhu… In Sakae Sushi, my girlfriends would almost always order the Agedashi Tofu which is half fried tofu in soy sauce. Perrgghh… orgasmic! So they said. 

So, bearing this in mind, I read with utter dismay about the ridicule tofu gets in the article below

KUALA LUMPUR: A surprisingly high number of Malaysians are not sexually satisfied, a survey by pharmaceutical company Pfizer has revealed.

Two out of three Malaysian men and three out of four women are not satisfied with their sex lives, the Asia-Pacific Sexual Health and Overall Wellness survey stated. Malaysians are ranked sixth among 13 countries but, if it’s any consolation, Singaporeans fared worse. They are in eighth spot.

The level of erection hardness is measured in a scale of one to four using the Erection Hardness Score (EHS) developed by the European Association of Urology.

Level one is like tofu where the male organ is large but not hard, level two is similar to a peeled banana where it’s not hard enough for penetration, level three is like an unpeeled banana where it’s hard enough for penetration but not completely, and level four is similar to a cucumber where it’s completely hard and fully rigid,” explained Dr Rosie King.

The men were required to evaluate themselves using the EHS during the survey and 40% of Malaysian men reported that they experienced erection below grade four.

Apa ni? Now suddenly, every girl wants to play with the timun. Tadi suka sangat tofu… Not grateful at all lah you girls! :)

A plea for Elizabeth Wong

Aiyoh! Everyone has gotten an erection for staring at Elizabeth’s bare crotch and I still haven’t seen the pictures!

So here is a plea to anyone who has the pictures. I am eating breakfast soon so I hope the pictures will increase my appetite.

mmMMMMmmmm…!!!! SyedapnyerrrrRRR!!!

Go Elizabeth Wong! I fully support your effort to be Malaysia’s first politician for Playboy Magazine! It’s about time Playboy publish new pictures of women in malignant organizations. Don’t you think?

My old Playboy edition of The Women of Enron was so overused it’s not orgasmic anymore…

Imagine Eli Wong in the cover. Rock on!

Imagine Eli Wong on the cover. Rock on!

Next time, bila nak fire orang, think of the consequences. You will be shot by a freaking illegal Chinaman one fine morning if you’re not too careful.

Read:

KAJANG: A disgruntled former employee who was fired from a factory recently shot his ex-employer in Bandar Teknologi Kajang near here Wednesday morning.

The Chinese national, in his 40s, walked into the victim’s office around 10.30am, opened fire at close range and then fled.

Yap Soo Yen, 41, from Bandar Sunway, Semenyih died on his way to the hospital from chest wounds.

Employees who witnessed the incident called the police immediately.

Kajang OCPD Asst Comm Shakaruddin Che Mood said police later arrested the suspect at his home nearby.

“We also recovered a home-made pistol at the suspect’s residence,”  he said.

ACP Shakaruddin said that the suspect, who did not possess any travel documents, had been working at the rubber-moulding factory for the past two months.

Yap’s body has been sent to Bandar Teknologi Kajang Medical Centre for a post-mortem, he said.

A home made pistol?! That son of a pistol! How dare he! 

Tolong lah ajar saya how to make my own gun that works. My most recent effort can only produce this -

Not suitable for adults

Not suitable for adults

Koala in the mist

I think with the amount of money one has, he could have changed his face into a Greek God. But nooo…! He chose to turn it into the cutest thing from down under! Congratulations Khir Toyo…!  You’re a stud in the animal kingdom! 

A eucalyptus eating parliamnetarian in the making

A eucalyptus eating wakil rakyat in the making

The dating game (part two)

Butterflies In Stomach Day

I suggest that you never set a date on Saturdays. Only weeknights or Sundays. Let Saturdays be reserved for your very special lady friends/girlfriends. Only when her status being upgraded into this level, that you can date her on Saturdays. So, okay, you set a date for coffee or lunch. No dinners please! What now?

1. Never call her everyday leading up to the big day. When the day comes, call her before you leave the house to confirm it with her. If she forgets, then it’s her fault right? You must not have made enough impact on her, or, dating you have never been her intention. Well, too bad…next girl please! If the date is still on, pick her up at her house because thats the gentleman way on doing things. Open the car door for her once (don’t do this all the time. She will get nauseous ). Say only light things. Be funny and charming. Don’t ever over compliment her on her looks. Just say she’s gorgeous in that dress/outfit once. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t spill your guts by saying you like/love her. Remember, you want to bring her defensive walls down and to get her comfortable with you. Don’t reveal too much about yourself either. Some guys made the mistake of bragging about themselves ad nauseam. Be humble alright? If you want her to know about your successes, let her know it herself. And don’t act like a moron/dull/pervert on the first date will ya? With luck, you can get on the 2nd date with her. Again, I would like to mind readers that this writing is not how to sleep with a girl within 2 days or a guide on one night stands. This is on how to get a girl of your dreams into liking you and see you as boyfriend material.

2. Send her back home. I hope you didn’t act sleazy by forcing your tongue down her throat or something similar. Don’t ever sms her right after the date thanking her for the good time and hope to see her some more. This is borderline desperation i tell you. The thing that got me perplexed is, why would a guy thank a woman for her time right after a date that HE PAYS for? She got into that date with you on her own free will, you drove her around, you buy her coffee/lunch, you go out of your way cracking jokes and make her comfortable, but still, you thank her for it? She should be thanking you right?!! So guys, cut being a wuss and act like a true man. After saying your goodnights or goodbyes, just leave it as that. Don’t call or text her straightaway. In her eyes, you should portray yourself as cool and unavailable. If you don’t call her straight away, she will automatically be thinking about you in some ways or another eg. Eh? Why didn’t he call me straightaway like all other losers? What happenned to him? Does he not interested in me anymore? Aah..forget about him…he might date other girls..is he? Etc…etc..etc… Remember guys, the more she thinks about you in any ways, the more interested she will be in getting to know you. In her eyes you will be a bit mysterious coz she doesn’t know you that much.

3. Call her for a second date only after at least 3 days. Call just to set a date. Don’t ever talk on the phone for hours talking to her whereas you can do this face to face. Phones are for committed couples, business transactions, family matters and urgent communications. Not for a lovesick guy hoping to be accepted by a girl after 1 date. You do this, you will never get your woman.

4. Okay folks, you follow the above instructions, you will bound to get a second, third, and right up to the tenth date. No problem. In time, without knowing it, you will find yourself going out with this girl. Just be cool and above all, be patient. Bear in mind that there are a lot of girls out there. A girl will surely come along for you. Just gotta play smart and separate out the glass (you know what kind of women we’re talking here) from the diamonds. Lastly, enjoy the company of girls around you. Date as many as you can. Get a good life. Your world shouldn’t be centred around just 1 girl. You’re single and only dating. Hey, if a girl can go out with several guys on dates when she’s single, why can’t you??? Good luck!

game

The dating game (part one)

A girlfriend of mine just complained to me about some guy been harrassing her through the phone for several days. Some guys just don’t get it do you? You’d think by calling the girl that you like for dinner/coffee/lunch everyday will work? You’re considered a stalker already. To make matters worse, my friend kept on declining the offer. Guys, a little info; if she declines the first time, don’t ever bother. At the risk of being called mr. know it all or superficial, here are some of the tips or revelations that I’ve found and compiled and find very helpful to all of you clueless guys in getting the girl of your dreams. Perhaps, by reading this, you will never again give a bad name to all of the male species.

Upon first meeting (applicable best in clubbing/partying situation)

1. I can’t tell you how to approach a girl – it’s up to your ingenuity. I would almost always be direct when chatting up a girl (“Hey how are you? May I know your name?” etc etc etc). Then continue to say some funny stuff or whatever interesting. Act normal. Don’t be nervous. She’s just a girl… not the traffic police. I would always hold the view that if the girl herself is not making the effort in making you comfortable during this situation, she’s just not the right woman for you. Have you came across a girl who didn’t even bother to smile or look in your eyes or even didn’t make an effort to look your way when you chatted with her? It’s like talking to a lamp post innit? A snobbish lamp post. It’s a club for god’s sake! If the girl wanna sulk, then, don’t go to teh clubs the first place. Well, forget her, she might be a boring person anyway… If she’s reluctant to give her phone number eventhough you’re very charming and hilarious when speaking to her, just walk away gentlemanly. Don’t ever feel bad about it. She just not interested in you. Her loss, not yours. But give a classy closing eg, Nice talking to you, been a real pleasure etc. Never beg for a phone number. Remember, getting her number is very important in order to gauge her interest/attraction to you. Why bother getting a girl who’s not interested in you? Seems a waste of time and money to me. Go talk to other girls instead.

play-dating-game-online-749798

2. After getting her number, Congrats! You must have fascinate her and she must either be single, open minded, really interested in befriending you or just plain bored and looking for a sugardaddy :). Don’t get your hopes high yet. My advice is to just be cool and not look desperate. Many guys made mistake of being overly excited and thinking about marrying/bedding the girl just upon getting her number. Alas, the classic case of psychotic stalkers and creepy callers. What you should do is, after getting the number, retreat tactfully immediately. Act as if she’s non consequential. Better yet, go talk to other girls/friends and share a laughter. That girl of your dreams will see you as an interesting guy with friends when she checks on you again. Not some loser who hovers near her all the time with no one else to talk to.

3. Don’t call or sms her within the first 4 days of the initial meeting! Why? I will clarify this later. Some guys made the mistake of calling/sms her right after the party. What a loser! Don’t you have anything better to do than looking this desperate? Newsflash : Girls do no like desperados. You keep this up, you will end up masturbating over the weekends. Remember : Desperation will lead to masturbation

4. Okay, the reason why you should refrain yourself from calling her is because to make yourself different from the rest of the losers out there. Imagine if she gives away her number to 9 other guys that same night you got her number. Depending on her ‘hotness’, 3 guys will sms her right after the party saying lame stuff such as ‘nice meeting you’ or ‘thanks for the number’ or ‘keep in touch’. 1 guy will actually call her and say the same thing. The other 3 will call/sms her the next day while the other 1 will call her the day after. The last guy will not call her at all due to hesitation or plain lazy. Now, the girl will of course make her own screening process to all of these guys. The first 4 guys above will automatically be pooled under the desperate category and will only be kept as acquaintances. The next 4 guys will be pooled under potential/maybe dates category. She will definitely be thinking what happened to you and that other wuss who didnt call at all. The more she thinks about you, the more intriguing you will be and the more interested she will be on you should you call a couple of days later. Remember guys, in order to increase the girl’s interest level, she must think about you in some ways or another.

5. After the 4th day, you call her. She will act mildly surprised to hear your voice. Keep the conversation short. Don’t talk nonsense over the phone. Talk for only about 3 to 5 minutes. By the end of this phonecall, you should have set a date with her. This is another screening process for you. Why bother getting a date with a girl who are not interested in you? But beware, some girls are genuinely not interested in you but really can’t turn down the offer of a free meal. If she declined, just say, nice talking to you. That’s all. Again, don’t beg. If the girl does really like you, she will give you an alternate day and time for the date. If not, furghedaboudit! Spend your energy and resources elsewhere. I know for a fact that if a girl really likes a guy, she would never break a date, will show up for a date no matter what and will never decline a meeting with you. This is a good indicator to weed out man-users, materialistic women or women who are just taking you for a ride.

Extra tip : Have you ever get anxious or frustrated because that hot girl didn’t reply your sms? And then, you made the mistake of texting her again and again asking her if she’s alrite and why didn’t she reply your sms? Don’t do that!! If she’s hot, she might be getting about 20 text messages per day by other guys like you. Replying back to all of these messages is a cost to her. Moreover, why bother replying to guys she doesn’t even interested in? Waste of money and time to her right? Ditto to you mister! Important – If you’re not even her friend yet, don’t sms her again and again as if you’re entitled for a reply. Ok stalkers? U get me? Don’t drop our gender’s waterface

Will write further on what you should do next

Chairil Anwar

8 biographies I have read. 8 lifetimes of famous people. 8 riveting and awe-inspiring journeys through hardships of life. Only 2 stood out from the rest. Che Guevara’s and Chairil Anwar’s.

You already know who Che Guevara is. An icon. A rebel. A revolutionary leader. A legend. In 1959, he helped Fidel Castro seize power in Cuba. Captured and executed without trial in the middle of jungle by the Bolivians with the help of CIA in 1967. His now famous last words – ‘Shoot, coward. You only going to kill a man’ is fucking brilliant.

Chairil Anwar

Chairil Anwar

But today is not Che Guevara’s day. Today is Chairil Anwar’s day. It’s not his official day though. I’m making today the Unofficial Chairil Anwar day because I just finished reading a book about him. I really wanna pay my respect to the man who changed the history of South East Asia during the days before your parents were born.

He was an Indonesian poet. Born in 1922. Died at the age of 27 in 1949. His poems inspired millions of his people. Especially the one entitled ‘Aku’ which was interpreted as a call to arms to gain independence. Millions took to the streets chanting his name. Now who wouldn’t be inspired and have goosebumps reading this piece below?

‘Aku’

Kalau sampai waktuku
‘Ku mau tak seorang kan merayu
Tidak juga kau
Tak perlu sedu sedan itu

Aku ini binatang jalang
Dari kumpulannya terbuang

Biar peluru menembus kulitku
Aku tetap meradang menerjang
Luka dan bisa kubawa berlari

Berlari

Hingga hilang pedih peri
Dan aku akan lebih tidak perduli

Aku mau hidup seribu tahun lagi

Damn! He wrote that at the age of 21! – 6 years before Indonesia gained her independence. His death came just 4 months before he could see his country being freed by it’s colonial masters.

Which put things into perspective innit? It’s making our puny lives and problems seem so insignificant. Now what have we really done for our country when we were 21? How about at 27? At 31, Che Guevara was already a leader in Cuba. What can we show for at the end of our journey???

Buck up you Son of a Pistol! You gotta do better than this!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.