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Archive for the ‘Complexities of life’ Category

2010 will come to an end really soon.

I am still the same son of a gun pistol.

But compare to 2009, this year has been great.

A career change. More upbeat lifestyle. More fun in life.

Looking forward to 2011. I hear it’s gonna be really exciting.

I am so sexcited!

Saw this in internet. Fucking gorgeous. Who is she? Can she be my Chrismas present?

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Double the joy!

I am thinking…. thinking…. thinking….

Nope. I can’t find any funny things to write right now.

But this maybe because I’m gonna be an uncle to a set of twins soon!

That’s right folks!

TWINS!

Coming to you this September! I am sooo happy!

Hopefully when they grow up, they won’t be like these bunch:

The forgetable and ambiguously gay Nelson twins

The Olsen twins

How weird are your parents?

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Angry wives chop off cheating husband’s manhood

Two young women frustrated with their husbands” sexual promiscuity decided to teach their partners a painful lesson — by slicing off their manhood.

One of the women, a 39-year-old from Katihar district in Bihar state, unable to cope with her husband”s persistent illicit affair with another woman from the same village, admonished her husband several times but blew her top when she caught him in the act with his ex-beau in the family bedroom.

After a morning quarrel last week, the wife decided to settle her vengeance by trying to slice off Singh’s private organ using a sharp blade.

“It was a domestic dispute and a case was reported on the woman. She is out on bail and living with her parents now. She had attacked her husband using a sharp object; he suffered minor injuries and is fit now,” Katihar superintendent of police Anil Kishore Yadav told Bernama.

Villagers had rushed the husband, in his 30s and a peon at a local school, to a nearby hospital where doctors managed to save him from any worse trauma.

But the anger on infidelity reached a peak and was far scarier in Ahmedabad, Gujarat, where another fuming wife chopped off her husband’s manhood early this month after discovering that he was having sexual relations with other women.

In a well-planned revenge, the 35-year-old wife from Amraiwadi district lured her unfaithful husband to bed after sedating him during dinner.

Thinking he was in for a nice bondage sexual rendezvous, the excited 30-year-old husband, got into bed where the wife tied both his hands and legs to the bed using ropes. In a fit of rage, she cut off his penis using a sharp knife.

“She had nicely planned the whole attack after she caught her husband doing it with his ex-woman. She gave him some sedation and tied his limbs and hands to the bed. Once he got excited, she chopped off his organ.

“The organ was completely cut off and they brought it in two pieces. Doctors did some skin grafting but could not reconnect it. It was badly cut and he can”t function,” Dr Gautam Sharma, assistant administrator at the Civil Hospital in Amraiwadi, where the victim was treated, told Bernama.

Police detained the woman for questioning and the husband was discharged from hospital. – NST

Aiyak!!!! Made me think twice about this article I wrote some time ago!

please don't hurt me! :(

please don't hurt me! 😦

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Apparently your body starts to change once you hit 30…

I woke up this morning from a blissful sleep. Didn’t even go clubbing last nite. Well actually I accidentally fell asleep while taking a ‘disco-nap’ (you know, a short snooze before you hit the clubs). I didn’t even hear the phone calls from friends who tried to enquire my whereabouts…

So as I stood there smugly in front of my bathroom mirror, I suddenly saw it. Like a beacon. Trying to get my attention. I reckoned it was at least 3 inches long. Why is it doing there? I never noticed it before. As I reached out to touch it and scrutinize it, my fear is confirmed. It was a fucking gray hair! (Gray or grey?)

I’m gonna die real soon now I suppose. I pulled it out and inspected it real close. My first gray hair. You guys can call me grandpa now. Ok please don’t.

atuk pun nak blogging juga...

atuk pun nak blogging juga...

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If people keep saying ‘what goes around, comes around’, then I think there is no point of asking for forgiveness is there? I mean, if the saying is being hold true, then why do we even bother asking forgiveness from God or the person that we wronged? Is God that vengeful that He will punish you even after you have repented? And what happens after the person that you have wronged forgives you? We still have to wait our turn to be punished in the future? My point? I’m not sure… just babbling. Maybe the saying is only a deterrent for us. Don’t do evil things! Be good to all! But I’m telling ya… what goes around, won’t necessarily comes around!

rings

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Twist of fate

liverpool_logo1Liverpool FC was so awful in the game against Chelsea the other day. I was torn between the feeling of embarrassment and utter madness at the players.

(to be read using the Cockney accent)

I remember the days when I was living in London with me family back in the year 1981, Me dad was studying his Masters degree in LSE while me mum was a housewife doing nothing at home.

So most of times, she would take me to the Acton Park to play with other kids my age. I was 6 years old at the time. Just a wee lad kicking football at the park with me neighbours. It was a good neighbourhood. Acton Town. A bit dodgy if you ask me. But what do I know. Just a kid then. And I sure love to play football.

So one fateful day me mum brought me to a football clinic organized by a local football fan club there. It was an amazing day. I remember kicking the balls and made so many friends there. The instructor told me mum that I was quick with my feet and quite agile for my age. He invited me to go for a real football trial at West Ham United Football Club under 9’s. Imagine that. A wee lad from a foreign country had been given the chance to kick balls with the locals there. Me mum was happy. And I just want to play football with friends.

I knew nothing about its significance to me then. I was 6 years old for God’s sake! And me dad didn’t see the significance either. You see, the trials went well. The coach there thought I was quite talented. But me dad thought otherwise.

It was a bright shiny afternoon when me mum brought me home from the trials. Me dad had just came home from the university. He asked me mum where did we go and me mum explained to him what had happened; that the coach wanted me back the following day to play in a trial match with other selected young lads. Me dad told me mum not to waste time and that I should concentrate on me studies. That’s the only way of the future. I don’t blame me dad. Footballers at that time were only getting peanuts.

My girlfriend - Adriana Lima

My girlfriend - Adriana Lima

But to think if only I had gone with the selection process till the end. I could’ve have end up in the West Ham United Youth Team. Probably, I would be spotted by the Liverpool FC’s scouts during my teen years and be absorbed into the Liverpool team by the time  I was 18. Small twist of fate, that’s what it was. I would have kicked Chelsea’s ass back to the stone age with me footballing skills. The Asian Magician – that’s me nickname because I’m a wizard with the ball. I’d probably be speaking with a thick Scouser’s accent by now and dating a supermodel too…

(to be read using the Malaysian accent)

But no lah. What to do. Now I’m just a risk analyst earning peanuts compared to the Premier League players. Ok lah. Less than peanuts lah. Hampas kelapa. That’s what I’m earning now. No regrets kan?

 

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So there I was in Bangsar, having dinner with a friend when suddenly an old disheveled grandma carrying a basket of tidbits came to our table. She would walk up and down the Telawi Street selling her stuff. That was a pity sight. Doesn’t she have any kids that can take care of her? Why put her on the streets like that? We bought her whole basket for RM35 and told her to get a taxi back home.

Then I kept thinking about my late grandmother. She was the grand old BIATCH in my kampung. She single-handedly raised my uncle and my dad after her husband died in the early 1950’s. Everyone was afraid to cross her path. Denying her would mean getting a death wish and your ass kicked even after you’re dead. She was loud and fierce but I love her so much. My fondest memory of her was when I was about 9 years old. I was schooling in my kampung in Melaka for about 1 semester coz we just moved from Sabah and waiting for my dad to relocate back to Kuala Lumpur. My grandma sold nasi lemak in the school canteen at that time. So naturally, I’d get my daily nasi lemak from her during recess. But, she kept on hugging me n kissing me everytime I see her at the canteen. I really did not understand why. We were living in the same kampung house at that time, I would see her after school at home every fucking day, – why would she kiss me and hug me as if I went missing for several years like that?

After awhile, I’d have enough of my friends making fun of me, calling me Grandma’s Boy etc. and stopped seeing her during recess. Instead, I bought fried mee hoon from another hawker. But it was still in the same canteen. So I had to dodge and crawl just to buy that 10 sen fried mee hoon without my grandma seeing me. Yes, all food was 10 sen at that time.

On the second day right after recess, a rookie teacher was teaching English with a Nazir (appraiser) sitting behind our class trying to appraise the rookie teacher’s performance. Apparently, my grandma was worried about my absence in the canteen that she had searched the entire school from class to class for me. As I was sitting at the back row beside the door, she saw me and surprised the entire class (teacher and Nazir included) with a packet of nasi lemak for me.

Grandma : Cikgu, cucu saya ni lapar tak makan lagi

Me : Eh nek, kita dah makan lah! (embarrassed)

Grandma : Bila masa ngko makan? Tadi takde pun!

English teacher : Eh kenapa ni makcik?

Grandma : Ni ha budak ni dah lapar dah tadi tak makan
(unpacking the nasi lemak on my desk)

English teacher : A’ah ye lah (baffled, but trying to look cool in
front of the Nazir)

Me : Tak nak la nek (I wanna crawl under a rock and
die)

Grandma : Tak pe makan makan.. Nenek dah bukak kan ni
ha…

I was nearly crying while eating the nasi lemak with my hand…

I thought she would leave the class when I started eating but no, she did not. She kept on talking to herself the entire time I was eating. Her voice was even louder than the teacher’s.

Grandma : Haaa.. makan, makan Cucu aku ni pandai! Rajin
cucu aku ni! Ngko nak air? Nenek bawak air botol
oren ni!

So on and so forth. The ridicule I got from friends from that day onwards was nearly unbearable.

My grandma died in 2003, leaving 2 sons, 8 grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren. She was 79.

There wasn’t a time when I didnt think of her while eating nasi lemak 🙂

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