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Kong Hei Fatt Choy!!

To all the chinese girls that I have dated before, I would like to wish Happy New Year to all of you. I am a changed man now. I no longer succumb to temptations and flirtations by college chicks from HELP Institute.

Why? Because I just bought a female tiger from the SPCA in Ampang the other day. As the year 2010 is the year of the Tiger, I think it is most appropriate to buy this endangered species and give her all the love that she needs.  Just look at her! (pic below). Tak kesian ke? I bathe her and give her food everyday… so that she will have a healthy, fun filled life.

I call her "Baby T"

Who needs a girl when you have a loving pet?

Tata!

P.S.: Bugger off WWF!

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Hahahaha!!! (slapping my knees) Hihihihi!!!

Singaporeans did it again!

News from the island today;

Secretary accidentally bites off boss’ penis

A secretary accidentally bit off the penis of her employer while giving him oral sex in a car.

Sin Chew Daily and China Press reported yesterday that while the 30-year-old woman was performing oral sex on the man, the car was hit by a reversing van.

The impact of the crash, China Press reported, caused the woman to bite off her lover’s organ.

The daily reported that the incident occurred in a Singapore park where the couple met after work.

To make matters worse for the woman, her husband had sent a private investigator to spy on her after suspecting that she was being unfaithful.

The investigator said he had followed the woman and her boss to the park.

“On reaching the park, they did not alight from the car. Not long after, the car started to shake violently.

After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood,” he said.

The woman later followed her lover to the hospital with part of the sexual organ.

The investigator, who called an ambulance to send the man to hospital, said that this was the first time he had encountered such an incident.

What the hell???? Ni yang aku nak marah kat driver van ni… tak tengok rear view mirror ke? And another one;

Ex-stewardess publishes memoir

The dailies also reported that a former stewardess has published a memoir of her sexual escapades in the sky.

The Singaporean stewardess, identified as Chew, 35, published The Mile Hi! Club: Memoirs of a Stewardess last Wednesday.

Chew confided that she had received more than 20 requests for sex from passengers in her years as a stewardess but claimed she had turned down all of them.

Big deal… at just 31, you know how many sexual requests that Datuk Siti Nurhaliza turned down over the years??? More than a million I reckon! But I confess more than half came from me…She’s a tough nut to crack people! Yeehaa!

There was this recent brouhaha about Anwar getting a massage in Thailand.

And many had speculated what kind of massage he ordered when he was there.

All know that he suffered from bad back.

I understand why he went to Thailand just for a massage.

Thai politics is just like Thai massage; a lot of pushing and pulling with opposing forces to loosen up deadlocked positions.

Of course, Thailand is the centre of massage, with multiple varieties of massage being taught in specialist schools.

I can’t claim to know what type of Thai massage was being performed on Anwar recently but, let me present to you the entry in Anwar’s wikipedia page;

“Dr. Lim Kong Boon, a doctor during the trial, testified that it is possible to massage the prostate gland through the anus in order to stimulate ejaculation in an unconscious victim.”

Could it be Thai prostate massage?

Kena menonggeng ini macam Datuk Seri baru ada syiok!!

Datuk musti menonggeng ini macam balu ada syiok Datuk!!

Twitter

Let’s talk about Twitter.

I hate twitters.

To me, twitter is a license to stalk people and let people stalk you.

What do you think?

Cuba bayangkan, I nak tackle one girl. Dia ada twitter. And then I ‘follow’ her in twitter. She then tweets all the time. I let her follow me in my twitter too. So we all twittering all the way and we know each other’s movement without even physically seeing each other.

Creepy gila.

Heck, I do not want to let her know what I am doing. But takkan I nak reject her from following me in my twitter pulak?

In the end, there will be no mystery. She will know where I am and what I am doing. I will know about her too.

And then, bila dia tweet here and there saying she is dating boys sana sini, I will automatically think that she is cheap.

Likewise, she will think I am a playa for being too ‘out there’ with the girls.

I tell you, Twitter is crap.

Humankind will slowly die because people cannot get decent dates. Everyone is reduced to become a cyber stalker.

Susah la mau multiply ini macam!

Gee, what a loser…

Disabled man’s personal laundry service porn

SEGAMAT, Tues: A disabled man running a laundry service was found to have a dirty little secret. The 56-year-old, who is receiving monthly assistance from the Welfare Department, has been filming his sexual exploits and selling the recordings.

But his career as a porn star has been cut short by police, who arrested him at his Bandar Putra home on Saturday. They had been watching him for a while after receiving a tip-off. In the 4pm raid police seized a pen drive which contained video recordings of the man having sex with a woman believed to be a 20-something foreigner.

Two women, aged 21 and 26 were also arrested in the raid. They said they were at the house to apply for jobs and had nothing to do with the recordings.

Segamat district police chief Superintendent Abdul Majid Mohd Ali said police believe the recordings on the pen drive were waiting to be downloaded onto video compact discs (VCD) for distribution. – NST

Wait a minute, a 56 year old disabled man from Segamat who is also running on welfare, is having sex with foreign women half his age? Bukan dia yang loser… but I AM!

This son of a pistol is trying to upstage the original Son of A Pistol (me)! I think I need to start selling my sexcapades… any volunteers? Ladies? I am not a handicap by the way. Cukup sifat semuanya huhuhu!

I got my first two volunteers already!

The two women aged 21 and 26 respectively, escaped into the arms of the original S.O.A.P gratefully.

I think I am not too late to congratulate our new Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Abdul Razak as the proud future father in law of this Son of a Pistol.

I assure you people of Malaysia that I will not be the next Khairy Jamaluddin where I got my mullahs by marrying the prime minister’s daughter.

I am telling you all that my relationship with Puteri Norlisa (picture below) adalah atas dasar suka sama suka, cinta sama cinta dan bukannya atas dasar kes perlanggaran kereta atau disebabkan harta.

Merenung masa depan bersama Son of a Pistol

Merenung masa depan bersama Son of a Pistol

Saya tidak pernah melanggar kereta Puteri Norlisa hanya untuk mendapatkan phone number anak perempuan kesayangan perdana menteri ini.

My only obstacle is that she look exactly like Najib. Only with boobs and longer hair.  Will have heart attack everytime I wake up next to her every morning. But I guess my love for her will endure. I love her God damn it! And love conquers all. Even the thought of having Rosmah as my mother in law will not dampen my mood.

I love my future father in law wife people!

Malaysians girls have a lot of confidence under their soft exterior. Either that or they simply do not know how to dress properly.

Kalau you seorang pembonceng, bila nak naik motorsikal, sila pastikan:

a) anda memakai seluar yang sesuai

b) you did not forget to wear any panties

c) that cleavage is suppose to happen at the front of your body, not at the back

macam-macam ada

macam-macam ada

My weekend was ruined just because of this.